FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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