You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
