I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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