I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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