i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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