walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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