it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
