I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize