do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
