i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize