is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
