I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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