Whod you bang
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
