Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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