Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is Oprah even human
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
