I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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