i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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