____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize