Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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