just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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