just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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