thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
