I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
