I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
