Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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