i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
