If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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