it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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