Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He has the fingertips of a God
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