need another drink. this is the easiest way
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
