Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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