i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
