2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
actually, I'm a sock model
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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