Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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