he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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