I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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