You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize