I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
