i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
