speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
