THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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