First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
