he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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