New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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