I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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