He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
