i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
