and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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