I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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