i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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