Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
