Please, let me fuck your mom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize