Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
