I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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