One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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