were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize