i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
