At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
