I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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