i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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