dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
