too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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