His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
