I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize