loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
