please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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