it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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