There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
