So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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