You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
