Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
