Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
