I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
