Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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