At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
