Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
