my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
