I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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