I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
