Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
