I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
