at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
