Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
