i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
