i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
