I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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