Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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