Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
