Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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