I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
