Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
