Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
