She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My vagina just recognized that song.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
