i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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