A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
