Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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