we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize