sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
