just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
