So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
