I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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