I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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