You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
